I Know You

I know you in all of your darkness.

I know you in all of your light.

There are things I know about you.

Things that you’ve shared.

You’ve opened up to me, and, 

when you did...you cried.

No man could, ever, be so vulnerable

in front of a woman, he doesn’t love.

I know your joys, and your hopes.

I know your pains, and, the things

that hurt you, way down deep.

I know the man, who, in his past,

felt unappreciated

The man, who, at times, 

felt that a mere compliment,

was deserved, but,

not given to him.

The man, who’s worth, and existence,

were downplayed, 

or, overlooked.

The man who, at times, 

felt invisible, or, ignored.

The man who wanted affirmation, 

but, it was rarely received.

Yes...I know you.

You may not realize it,

but, I know you...

I do.

And, yes...you hurt me.

Yes, you disrespected me.

But, I loved you.

I love you, still.

So, I kept trying.

Maybe, too hard...

but, I kept trying.

I felt that, maybe, you would see...

all those things you were missing,

were being given to you, by me.

Yes, I changed...

I had no choice.

I gave you my ALL...

but, my efforts 

were taken for granted.

You were my priority...

while I was made me to feel 

like an option.

You broke trust, in ways that, you thought...

were small, and, insignificant.

But, for me...

they were consequential.

So, I fell back.

I got distant.

I became someone else.

Looking back on it all, now, 

I realize...

your behavior was that of a man

craving the attention, 

he lacked, in his past.

A man wanting acknowledgement.

We all want to be noticed.

We all want to feel good.

It’s not a bad thing...

we’re human.

But, seeking validation to fill a void, 

at another person’s expense, 

is hurtful, and, damaging.

We all make mistakes, 

that we wish we didn’t.

I’ve made mine, and,

I admit them, and,

I regret them.

Recognizing, and, admitting mistakes, 

is the first step toward fixing them.

I’m seeing, and understanding things, now, that I didn’t see, or, understand, before.

So, you see...

I forgive you, because...

maybe, you were unaware.

I’ve told myself that 

you might be incognizant of 

what lies beneath your surface, 

because...,

what other valid reason could there be,

for a man to not value a woman 

who put him on a pedestal (?)

And, maybe...

I’m just fooling myself (?)

But, maybe, I’m not.

One thing I do know,

without a doubt...

you loved me.

And, I think you love me, still...,

maybe.

                 Written by:  Karyn Cotillo

                                          3/15/2020

                 Photo credit to: Kristina Flour